Tag Archives: barack obama

Left-handedness is not a choice– it’s a quality people are born with. You think they would choose to be left-handed? You think that’s the easy way out? No, not in this right-handed society. Not in this world where every left-handed schoolchild is forced to sit unnaturally in a right-handed desk; where they must train themselves to use scissors meant for an inherently different kind of person; where they can never fairly arm wrestle. Even the most fundamental interaction with our fellow man– a handshake — is a constant reminder that lefties are not, and never will be, the norm. It takes a special kind of bravery for a left-handed person to constantly introduce him/herself to their fellow man with a lie.

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Society claims to be tolerant, saying, “Oh, I’m not a leftist. I have friends who are left-handed.” It’s a nice sentiment, but if our culture really understood, we would stop looking at lefties with disgust as they write with their hands curled around a pencil (I know it looks gross, but have some compassion.) What’s worse are those ignorant individuals who argue that handedness isn’t even an issue anymore, saying things like, “We have a left-handed President, how much more hand tolerant can we get?” Just the fact that someone could boast tolerance when we live in a world where all left-handed people are still marked with lead smudges on their pinkies proves that this topic requires greater awareness.

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When was the last time you heard, “Now raise your left hand?” or “Place your left hand over your heart?” Never. Your left hand never vows or pledges. Our society systematically distrusts all things left-handed, as evidenced in the expression “a left-handed compliment,” (meaning questionable or deceptive) which, despite how we claim to be a politically correct nation, still remains an accepted idiom.

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Still incredulous about this prejudice? Well, answer me this: Do we have rights? Yes. Do they have lefts? No! Can our wrongs be righted? Yes. Can their wrongs be lefted? No!

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Really, still not seeing it? Well, would you rather be left behind or right behind? Have you ever been grooving on the dance floor only to be told that you have two right feet? No, I didn’t think so.

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What lefties need is a spokesperson– a famous face for left-handedness. How about Tom Cruise? No, too controversial; we’d lose support from pro-height people. How about Jerry Seinfeld? Yes, yes, he’s likable, and I can’t think of any additional bigotry he’d incite. Together with Jerry, let’s send out a call to arms to put our hands together.

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Lefties should no longer use a can opener or a stick shift or a baseball glove with shame. That’s right, I mean, left! They’re here, they’re…. er…. get used to it!

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I am a proud left-handedness activist. To join the movement, raise your left fist in solidarity.