To All Those Anti-Left-ites

Left-handedness is not a choice– it’s a quality people are born with. You think they would choose to be left-handed? You think that’s the easy way out? No, not in this right-handed society. Not in this world where every left-handed schoolchild is forced to sit unnaturally in a right-handed desk; where they must train themselves to use scissors meant for an inherently different kind of person; where they can never fairly arm wrestle. Even the most fundamental interaction with our fellow man– a handshake — is a constant reminder that lefties are not, and never will be, the norm. It takes a special kind of bravery for a left-handed person to constantly introduce him/herself to their fellow man with a lie.
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Society claims to be tolerant, saying, “Oh, I’m not a leftist. I have friends who are left-handed.” It’s a nice sentiment, but if our culture really understood, we would stop looking at lefties with disgust as they write with their hands curled around a pencil (I know it looks gross, but have some compassion.) What’s worse are those ignorant individuals who argue that handedness isn’t even an issue anymore, saying things like, “We have a left-handed President, how much more hand tolerant can we get?” Just the fact that someone could boast tolerance when we live in a world where all left-handed people are still marked with lead smudges on their pinkies proves that this topic requires greater awareness.
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When was the last time you heard, “Now raise your left hand?” or “Place your left hand over your heart?” Never. Your left hand never vows or pledges. Our society systematically distrusts all things left-handed, as evidenced in the expression “a left-handed compliment,” (meaning questionable or deceptive) which, despite how we claim to be a politically correct nation, still remains an accepted idiom.
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Still incredulous about this prejudice? Well, answer me this: Do we have rights? Yes. Do they have lefts? No! Can our wrongs be righted? Yes. Can their wrongs be lefted? No!

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Really, still not seeing it? Well, would you rather be left behind or right behind? Have you ever been grooving on the dance floor only to be told that you have two right feet? No, I didn’t think so.

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What lefties need is a spokesperson– a famous face for left-handedness. How about Tom Cruise? No, too controversial; we’d lose support from pro-height people. How about Jerry Seinfeld? Yes, yes, he’s likable, and I can’t think of any additional bigotry he’d incite. Together with Jerry, let’s send out a call to arms to put our hands together.

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Lefties should no longer use a can opener or a stick shift or a baseball glove with shame. That’s right, I mean, left! They’re here, they’re…. er…. get used to it!

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I am a proud left-handedness activist. To join the movement, raise your left fist in solidarity.
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11 Comments

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11 Responses to To All Those Anti-Left-ites

  1. Prince William is a leftie. How about him as a spokesperson? I think he’s make a good one — personable, smart and famous. Can one really argue with royalty? ;-)

    And have you ever heard the quote that only left-handed people are in their right minds? Worth pondering.

  2. If I had a dollar for every time someone has said to me, “Oh, you’re left-handed,” as I signed my name, I would be rich! We lost the perfect left-handed spokesperson – John F. Kennedy, Jr. But there is Oprah Winfrey, Angelina Jolie, Robert Plant, and Paul McCartney.

  3. It’s hard to be right when you’re left. Things are alright but never alleft. You can be righteous but not lefteous. It just goes on… a hearty “amen” to this post!

  4. I am a Rightie, however being the daughter of Left-handed Parents, (left-fist shooting to the sky) I support you.

  5. I support this on behalf of my left handed son. <3

  6. You didn’t have left-handed scissors in school?! Our left-handed scissors were this funky green and yellow instead of the boring red right-handed ones. But then my school was this crazy left-wing (hah!) inclusive place, so maybe that’s not normal…

  7. This post is nothing but leftist propaganda!
    ;)

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  9. Thank you for this post!

    We can think society has come so far, but in reality, it still has so far to go. My own grandmother, alone with me for the first time at age three, taped up my left hand and cut off all my long red hair. She couldn’t face the fact that the devil had got me. Okay, laugh if you like, but it’s out there. (And no, I’m not that old. I’m only talking forty years ago…)

    A drafting teacher who refused to allow me in his class in college unless I conformed to right-handed ways. An art teacher who made us (the 3 lefties) sit in a corner practicing with our right hands for half of every class. The boss who wrote me up for taking too much time to re-arrange the shared workstation every shift.

    The toilet paper on the wrong side of virtually every toilet stall. The handle on the paper towel dispenser. The number pad on the keyboard – never used. Double doors to every store with the left side locked. Clothes hanging on a rack in the store, all facing the left for the right-handed browser.

    Thank you for creating this bubble of awareness. In the world of celebrity, there are far more than the standard 10% who are left-handed – so many to choose from. But I’d have to give Prince William my vote as well.

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